Neutered: They Took Our Balls

An Ontario school has banned all “hard balls”
Getting your mind out of the gutter…You’ll realize that this means kids at this school can no longer use baseballs, basketballs, soccer balls or footballs…No ball that this school deems “unsafe.”

Careful Johnny…That’s bubble wrap…You could hurt yourself…

I had two initial responses to this news:
1)What the hell? Are these people retarded?
And…
2)I’m so excited to read more headlines with the word “balls” in them…
But going off my first reaction…This is just another reason for me to hang my head in shame…Shame for the fact that I’m part of a species that evolved from primordial ooze to hunters to punchers of sharks to astronauts to people who take away a kids ball because he might get an “owie”

Thanks for nothing Evolution…

I’m positive that this ban happened because ONE parent complained that their precious, fucking, little snowflake came home from school with a small bruise after playing with their friends at recess.
That ALWAYS happens…One person ruins things for everyone…
One shoe-bomber makes everyone have to take off their shoes while going through airports…
One stupid allergic kid means no more peanut butter in schools…
One pineapple who lives under the sea…

Oh, that’s for something different…Sorry

Now, not all hope is lost (just most of it) because the kids can still play with “soft balls” (isn’t that a medical condition?) But, have you ever tried playing a good game of soccer baseball with a freakin’ Nerf ball?
Also, they are holding a hearing, due to the public outcry against this school’s decision…Good! Maybe someone will be able to talk sense into the morons in charge!
I wouldn’t hold my breath…

Blow-Hards Against Wind Turbines…

It seems you can’t go a week without hearing about wind turbines…
New ones being set up
People against them
Or people who think if we have too many of them, they’ll somehow blow/suck us out of our current orbit, sending us flying into the sun…

Weeeeeeeeeeeee….AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’ll be honest…I’d be 100% fine with never seeing another wind turbine…But not for the stupid reasons people keep bringing up…
Idiots: They kill birds!
Me: Well those birds were too stupid to live, if they can’t tell NOT to fly into giant rotating blades…
Idiots: They cause health issues!
Me: No, no the really don’t…No more so than that cell phone in your pocket anyways…
Idiots: They are an eye-sore!
Me: True (to some) but I kind of like them…Makes me feel like I’m in Holland…Plus what’s the alternative? Flat, boring farmland? There’s a reason why Saskatchewan ISN’T the tourist capital of the world…

“Dad, this is a worse vacation than visiting Grandma in the nursing home, when she shat herself…”

So why do I dislike the wind turbines? Because they aren’t worth it…
I’ve read reports that they only work (producing energy) roughly 33% of the time…And even if that number isn’t absolutely accurate, the real number cannot be much more than that…
The wind has to be JUST right for them to work…Meaning there’s going to be a large amount of time they aren’t doing a damn thing…
Everyone is obsessed with the “green movement” and this is the government’s attempt at appearing like they give a flying fuck about the environment…

Flying Fuck is my wrestling finishing move…

So leave up the turbines we have now…Might as well…But let’s not build any more…
However, since that won’t happen anytime soon…I would then ask that all you “anti-wind” douche bags…
Blow it out your ass!

Foto Friday: Safety First

Kyle Brand condoms...The brand that asks you "are you sure?"

Foto Friday: Got an Itch...

...Ahhhhh, that's the spot...

Foto Friday: Sir Kyle

I say...Tea, crumpets, etc.

Obligation to Volunteer

I despise the guilt that is inflicted upon me if I DON’T help out a charity or organization…
Everywhere you go, someone is asking you to “add $2 to your bill for kids” or “spare change for camps” even “blood, it’s in you to give”
No…Blood is in you to LIVE!
Now, I’m not against helping people…In fact, I wish I could help every single person on this crazy, spinning, blue rock we call Earth…
However, I cannot…
For one, I have neither the money, nor the resources to do that…
I don’t live “paycheck to paycheck” but I live pretty damn close…So I can’t afford to help others, because if I gave all my money to charities, then I’d need to use those charities to live…Basically taking back the money I just donated. So, I keep it for myself…Sometimes…
I say sometimes because I do make donations every once and a while…But, I do it usually because I’m made to feel guilty if I don’t.
If I’m standing at a cashier, paying for a pack of gum, and a loaf of bread and I’m asked “would you like to donate a dollar to kids?” A large majority of the time I’ll say “sure” because I feel that if I don’t, not only with the cashier look upon me with contempt…But the people in the mine behind me will think “oh, he can afford gum, but can’t spare a dollar to help kids…”
These are the actual thoughts that go through my noodle…
I also dislike that I’m never 100% sure where the money is going…I don’t know if my dollar ACTUALLY goes to needy kids, or if 20 cents goes to the kid, and 80 cents goes to the new truck for the organization to drive around in, telling you how much more money they need…
So I donate when I can…As EVERYONE should…But try and find out where the money actually goes.
However, people need to stop fucking guilt tripping me into it! (I’ve got a chant for it: Don’t obligate to donate…Don’t obligate to donate)
And to the blood banks…You’re not doing a good job in making people think you’re NOT run by vampires, when you hound me for my crimson life fluid…I’ll donate when I’ve got the time…You’re the ones who want MY blood, work around MY schedule…

And finally, if you’re NOT an organ donor…What the hell man?!?!
You’re DEAD…You don’t need your liver, kidneys, lungs, spleen or eyes!
Don’t give me any “religious belief” bull shit…Religions teach “helping people” so help people who need the stuff you are no longer using during your dirt nap.

Standing Room Only…

Recently the world population hit 7 billion…
You can say that number over and over again, but truly it’s a number that cannot be fathomed or understood (like the popularity of Justin Bieber).
This has riled some people up…Saying the Earth cannot support this many people (which is obviously false as…In case you didn’t notice…We’re still alive…)
Imagine being in a tiny, 2-piece bathroom with just 7 people…Then multiply that by a billion…Shit would get cramped.
So why aren’t we shoulder to shoulder with people non-stop?
Because the world is HUGE!
We just don’t live in all of it….
Think about Canada…Vast country (2nd largest in the world) and yet…Teeny-tiny population (in comparison to its size). Canada is like the global opposite of Tokyo. Canada is 9.9 million square miles of land with 34 million people…Tokyo is one city area with 30 million people…The CITY of Tokyo almost has the same amount of people as the entire COUNTRY of Canada…
Sure, a large piece of the unpopulated areas around the world are seen as “uninhabitable” but, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before that label will have to be thrown out the window…
But “domesticating” these uninhabitable places will be tough and expensive…And since I’m always looking to save a buck…A far better solution (in my mind) would be to just start limiting our population (no, I’m not talking “ethnic cleansing” or “everybody in the ovens…”)
I think a simple test (created by me…Obviously…It’s my idea after all…) should be doled out at certain intervals throughout people’s lives.
Test 1 – at age 5 (not many will fail this test…But we can certainly weed out the “glue eaters” in some cases)
Test 2 – at age 16 (this allows plenty of time for personality development, and should be instituted as a prerequisite to being allowed to drive. This level will also take into account IQ, so far…)
Test 3 – at age 25 (school should be completed, career should be started or at least chosen…If not, I hope you had a good 25 years, because you ain’t getting’ no more…Plus a person who passes this level should indicate that they could also be a good parent…Leading to better offspring, ultimately raising global IQ)
Test 4 – at age 40 (this one is easier, if you’ve passed the previous tests, it should be no problem…Just a “check-up” to make sure you are still not a douche…No rubber gloved finger in this check-up though…)
Test 5 – at age 60 (final test…This one helps to determine whether you are fit for regular society, or if you should be placed in a retirement home…Will also include another driving test so as to vanquish the “Sunday drivers”)
There you have it…5 simple tests to determine if you are fit to continue living in my world…I mean OUR world…Also, that your IQ is at an acceptable level so as to continue the “survival of the fittest”…

A New Addition...

Today is the first day I realized I had a weird oval shaped freckle on my inner thigh...And to think, had that area of my body NOT been itchy, I'd never have found it...So welcome aboard, new freckle!